So I hung out with the school crowd last night and drank (don't worry they drove me home), and I come home to my mom telling me Teresa's moving back in. Okay Granted my mom does say this all the time but I feel like its inevitable that Teresa is eventually going to move back in, she's in tons of debt and I know she can't do it on her own. So I don't even blame her and I'm not angry but I just CAN'T share a room again. Honestly I'm 23, I work my ass off, and for what to share a room with Matt. He's soo inconsiderate and now me and Katherine won't be able to hang out and all. It's just not gonna work. For some reason Jess and Phil are SUPER against me moving in with Jim, but they said they have a room for me. Most likely though Im just gonna rent a room I know I can find them for like $400, the only thing is how much stress can I handle? I know theres gonna be a breaking point. IDK I just don't know why everything seems like a test, I try sooo hard with things but there is just always too much going on. Sometimes honestly I just want everything to fall apart I swear, Swear, SWEAR lately I get urges all the time to shave my head, like serious very really urges lol. If u see me with a pink wig and umbrella just be understanding lol.

mood: cranky tags: breaking point, conflict

I swear I just become so numb at things sometimes. I am really tired of some things at work though. I just feel like with my program manager I am never going to be part of the "group" with her. IDK I should just talk to other people more I swear. I just have such weird interactions with her. I always feel like I have to walk on egg shells with her, I feel like she just gets mad at the weirdest things. IDK its like Ive been there 2 1/2 years and I still feel akward sometimes. I just sometimes feel like I sound sooo stupid, I wish I would just not talk. IDK its so annoying I just feel like I am such a stupid person sometimes, like I come off so goofy and dumb. I just wanna be like a quiet person but when I say something it comes off as really thoughtful. I just feel like I try to hard at work to make conversation. IDK changes need to be made lol.

ANYWAY

This weekend should be fun. I am going to Port Jazz on Friday for Stephs Birthday, and Sunday I am chilling with Alex (and hopefully Ant) so we'll see how things go lol. Well I will try to stop feeling bad for myself now lol, I just have to put it in perspective sometimes I really do.

location: School Library mood: contemplative tags: bitching, life, work

Well Im sick which sucks but what r u gonna do. Im still gonna go to my class 2nite.

Well Britney was soooo amazing. As is with everything in my life the truth ended up coming out lol. I am out of the Britney closet, and so far my coworkers have been supportive lol. The Britney concert was soo much fun though, it really was amazing.

ANYWAY

I have my orientation for my internship today and I can't lie I am pretty scared. I really hope this works out good.

mood: contemplative tags: internship

Well I am feeling moody tonight. It's weird too because it really is over nothing. I kinda just get tired from things. I am just tired of going and going, my life just always seems to be so much work. I just can't give up though I feel like if I rest everything will just kind of fall apart. It's just weird.

ANYWAY

I finished my class tonight which was nice. I really think I did better in this class then my last class. I think this last class took a lot out of me. I just don't know how long I can do this crazy schedule for.

ANYWAY

I am sooo excited for the Britney concert on Monday, I need it lol. She is very exciting and refreshing she really is.

DAN

location: Field Mob mood: moody tags: britney spears, moodiness

So I read Anthonys amazing blog and I must say it was very thought-provoking. I really feel like I don't know my feelings on God. Its amazing to see Anthony has such clarity and conviction on his belief in God. I really want to feel that, unfortunately right now I don't. There were moments in my past I felt something, or started to at least. It's weird though I am very logical and I just don't know I feel like I should really feel God or it should just be clear to me but it's not.

I don't feel as bad about it anymore though bc theres a lot of other good things in my life. Like I do believe in helping people, and my quest to be a social worker lol. I know this really is the job I was destined to do. And I believe in my relationship with Katherine, I believe in our love and just her. Her innocence and her faithful belief in things. Im such a Cynical person about everything and it's amazing to have someone who has beliefs that she has without question. She also believes in God very faithfully and so hopefully if there is a heaven she will get me a free pass in lol.

I think over the years I realized it was okay to believe what you believe and live truthfully and honestly (lol minus fake marriages LMAO). I know I am a smart person and I really try to have an open mind about things and I hope I never change in that area. I may change and really find God or something I truly believe in, but I realize its not the end of the world no matter what, I can't force it I think it just has to come to me.

location: Home mood: content music: Lil Wayne tags: anthony, beliefs, god, katherine

I swear sometimes I just feel down for no reason. The dorm thing is nice but there is a lot of running around. It's kinda annoying because I wanted the summer to be a break for me but it's just become more running around. I feel like I can never just relax. Hopefully this will change when Im off next week, I certainly hope so. I just feel moodier at times. I got into a fight with Kathy yesterday and I hate that stuff.

IDK all types of things annoy me like today I think someone at my job got mad at me for talking to someone they don't like. I swear stuff like that is sooo immature but of course it still happens. I just hate people being mad at me.

ANYWAY

It's not all bad, it's definitely interesting being independent. I haven't been in my own place since Cortland and I am defintiely liking it this time a lot better than last time. I kinda wish I could just stay at Stony Brook but of course that's not going to happen. I also have been enjoying watching House on DVD I must say :). Well I wish ANTHONY would update more. Thats all!

mood: contemplative

OMG I got the new Daughtry CD and I must say it rocks. He has so much emotion to his voice. It is Good I say lol.

ANYWAY

My interview at my internship went good today. Im reallyexcited about it. I just dun know how Im gonna do all this stuff next year, its soo crazy. But I am soooo glad I choose this internship I must say. Outreach House deals with all this crazy stuff, but stuff Im dying to do. I wish I could just get my degree already lol and get into this stuff.

ANYWAY

Its sucky out again today wut r u gonna do?

location: Campus Library mood: determined music: Daughtry tags: daughtry, internship

So I finally found a computer at Stony Brook!!! I can't explain but its sooo much better being online here than at home.

ANYWAY

Ever since I dormed everything has been so crazy (but mostly in a good way). LOL I seriously have no idea anymore what tommorow will bring. I have been running around though planning my special event ;), and I am excited. My birthday was a blast except for the drama at the end but I kinda didn't care anyway lol.

ANYWAY

Phil from work is totally getting creepy again I can't stand that guy anymore. It seriously is enough, thank god he's leavin august 14th.

Well I am glad to be back online :)

location: Stony Brook Library mood: chipper tags: birthday, stony brook

I am excited this better be fun!

mood: happy

So Ant I'm not gonna lie I got pretty drunk last night. Lauren and Christine did not come to the bar, but me and Steph hung out and Rosemary actually talked to us a lot. It was a lot of fun, we actually had really deep conversations so it was nice.

ANYWAY

I am still nervous about work, everythings been soo tensed since that girl left from my job. I really hate when it gets like this and I can't wait til things just blow over. I am hoping they don't just continue though, but we'll see.

ANYWAY

I love my dog but this thing follows me everywhere! I swear I can not go to the bathroom without her following me there lol. Its been an adjustment lol, but I do love her.

mood: okay

So guess who finally got a dog again. Today was sooo nice I finally got myself a doggy. Shes sooo cute shes a terrier who's like 3 or 4 and shes sooo gentle and calm. I pick her up on thursday I really pray she isn't a shitter or something like that lol. She was shedding a little when we were petting her but she has a thin coat and I doubt they groom or take care of them at the pound.

ANYWAY

I am really not looking forward to my nite class, I am pretty tired I must say.

mood: drained

You know today I was thinking about things I missed and I really miss being younger. I miss when I was on this like schedule thing we're every night I watched a certain show and wrote in a blog and all. I just felt more organized and together. Now I just feel like everyday is a mix of a bunch of different things, and it's all over the place. My family is so chaotic lately it really is. I just hate it I try to block it out but of course it's always impossible. Such is life

mood: cranky tags: family

I fuckin worked like 2 hours on a blog yesterday and somehow it got deleted, WTF!!!! It sucks I talked about friends, Kathy, and my life but wut r u gonna do.

ANYWAY

The christening today was really fun I must say, just very drama free for once. I am soo happy to be done with school.

So obviously I have been bad at keeping this thing up lol, but I wanted to update y'all on the latest going ons:

-So I thought I would be a normal college student and I went to a dorm party on Wednesday. I must say that was a lot of fun. It was crazy I got perty drunk and slept over lol.

-Suddenly I have sooo much crap due in my classes its extremely frustrating I must say!

-I am addicted to American idol lol

mood: amused

Sooo things have been finally getting better:

#1 Britney Concert: Sooooooo amazing. Seriosuly a dream come true. She looked soo fierce and had such an amazing energy, I just loved it. Also her new video If U Seek Amy is out and Daddy like, its really cool.

#2 Stats test: I really think I Aced my stats test today. It was sooo much easier than I thought it would be. The power of studying baby.

#3: A secret: I have been thinking about doing something C-R-A-Z-Y lately that may shake things up a little bit, we'll see though.

Thats all,

Dan

mood: mischievous

LOL My title is a line from the new Red Jumpsuit Apparatus CD. So far it has 2 good songs, the rest so-so. Maybe they will grow on me lol. So its been a while since I wrote, busy busy. Things have been hectic but good. I go through a lot emotions daily actually but right now I'm pretty good, and in good news I"M GETTING GLASSES frickin finally it took long enough.

mood: exanimate

So far mine has been terrible

mood: crappy tags: christmas, sad

So school ended which obviously is soo great. Its nice to just relax and finally enjoy things. The only thing is I can't stop being kinda anxious. I can't just be happy with how things are, because I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. It's so weird. I think sometimes Eriak (my boss) did this to me, because shes so anal and nutty and I always feel like my files have to be perfect or she's going to flip out. It has leaked over to my regular life lol and now I feel crazy. Its so weird.

ANYWAY

Its not all bad everytime I write I feel like its such a sob story lol. I mean I do feel good that I've accomplished a lot. Its weird how no matter what's thrown at me I can handle it. I think I always expect the worst so when it happens its like "no big deal." Cuz I am always expecting it to happen. Its weird somehow I think my crazy anxiousness is what makes me so on top of things. Like I hate it but I think "would I have done all the things I've done if I wasn't like this?" LOL its no picnic though.

ANYWAY

The weird thing that I struggle with the most now I would say is definitely feeling removed from people. I thrive on interaction, but its hard to talk to people a lot when ur always super busy. I know this is the area in my life that has been suffering the most lately which is hard, because its one of the areas in my life that I most enjoy. I truly love getting deep down into emotions, I really do its nice. I feel like whatevers in peoples minds is why so many things happen and occur. I sometimes even wonder how people can through it all, how they handle. Theres people in such horrible conditions, and somehow there making it. IDK I'm just in a mood to think and feel lol.

DAN

mood: complacent tags: emotions, life

OMG This video is AMAZING, and I swear she is defintiely singing live, I can tell. I think its her best to date!

mood: creative tags: britney spears